Roller Coaster Ride continues….

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Sidewards Glance

6 months ago we sold the house of my dreams that we just happened to make the mistake of building in the wrong location.  Long term followers of this blog will know what a heart break it was for me to leave the house that my husband designed and built for us and that held so many amazing memories for me.  Even today, 6 months on, I can’t think of that place without tearing up just a little.  And even though the town is less than two hours away and my eldest son still lives in that town, I have not been back there, nor will I ever be able to do so.

But it was all done for a reason.  And I understood that.  And it made the pain bearable.

We had an end goal in mind, and moving into this horrendous tiny apartment surrounded by concrete and steel, with no views and no privacy and no wildlife (except a daily Kookaburra visitor), where it has rained twice in 6 months….(can you tell I don’t like it here)…. but it was just a necessary and very temporary stepping stone to finding our next dream home, in our dream location, where I could build my dream career.

And for a brief moment we had it.

The house wasn’t perfect, we had plans to renovate.  The gardens were lovely.  The location was to die for.  Step out the front door onto World Heritage listed National Park.  Cross the  narrow road onto Canyon Lookout with views across Australia’s famous Gold Coast, the spectacular canyon wall, two water falls, and lush rainforest.  And wildlife that lives right there in your very own yard.  The most beautiful and colourful birds of every size… a dream come true for a bird photography enthusiast like me.  But the crown jewel in all this, was my gallery.  The property had a two story outbuilding that could be converted into my very own photography gallery, where I was going to show case the local attractions and wildlife and work to educate and inform and promote conservation efforts and local tourism.   It was what I know in my heart I was meant to be doing with my life, and it was SO close.

And now it’s gone.

Yesterday the deal fell through.  Too many issues.  Too many obstacles to overcome.  With very heavy hearts, we decided to walk away.

So now what?

I really don’t know what the future might hold for me.  We have a short time left to vacate our current premises and no where to go as yet.  My faith tells me that it will all be OK in the end, but just for now I think I might need to take today to grieve… just a little.  I have lost something precious.  The dream.  The life that I thought I was going to have in the place that I felt I had belonged.  And right now at least, I just feel lost.

My life has been one giant roller coast ride for such a long time, with so many amazingly wonderful highs, and such devastating lows.  Whilst I know that the lows don’t last forever it’s still hard to be in the midst of them.  At least I know that we are leaving this concrete place, devoid of soul.  My biggest fear is that we will end up somewhere just as bad and this current stepping stone will not be the last for us.  That my dream home is still a very long way away, and the career that I have been waiting my entire life to begin is still just a distant fantasy.