Getting Back To “Me”…


Petit Papilon

Firstly… my apologies for being a little quiet of late.  Been going through a bit of a rough patch, adjusting to my new life and trying to find a way to let go of the old.  I certainly didn’t want to post anything whilst I was not in the best, most positive frame of mind.  And it’s funny how quickly negativity can sneak up on you.

I had been going along OK.  I think there is a certain honeymoon period, whereby decisions are being made… things are still new… stuff is getting sorted out and places found for belongings etc.  But around the 2 month mark, I hit a huge wall.  The novelty had well and truly wore off.  All my things had been put away.  There was nothing left to organise or sort anymore… just the reality of my situation.  I was no longer on some kind of adventurous vacation.  This was it.  This was now my life.  And no… I couldn’t go home.  Ever!

It hit my like a tonne of brick.  I mean, it actually physically hurt.  I know this sounds crazy to some people… but it felt like the loss of a loved one.  That empty, aching feeling deep in the pit of my stomach, and a pain that I had no idea how to shift.  I was starting to sink deep into a depression… I knew it.  I have been there before and I knew the signs.  I had to do something, and quickly.

So I did.

I did the only thing I really know how to do.

I picked up my camera… and I went outside.

Now…this is not the first time that I have shot anything since we moved.  I have actually been out a few times and taken some great shots.  But photography in my new location takes effort.  At my old home, I never even used to have to leave my own backyard to get a good shot.  Sometimes I didn’t even have to go outside, thanks to my bird feeder just outside the window.  But here… well, it takes work.  The only view I have outside my window is that of a car park.

I hadn’t been out much lately, after spending over a week glued to my computer, building my new website.  So yesterday was just what the doctor ordered.  I packed my camera gear and went for a drive.  Quite a long drive as it turned out.  I took back roads.  Drove through the bush.  Visited, what was supposed to be a creek through a National Park, but thanks to the drought was nothing but sand.  So I went to another National Park.  I did a lot of driving… and a lot of hiking.  And I don’t even know if I got that many great shots.  But the main thing is… I found myself again.

I rediscovered what makes my heart soar.

I got dirty and sweaty, and bitten by mosquito’s.  I got tired… and today my muscles ache.  And I couldn’t be happier.

Yes, I still had to come home to somewhere I am not at all happy to be.  But it’s base camp.  It will never be “home”… not in the sense that my old place was.  It’s not meant to be.  It’s a temporary place to live and that’s all.  But I don’t have to let it destroy me.  I just have to be me.  And do what I do.  And do it to the best of my ability.  When life hands us lemons… we just have to be ourselves… and do what makes our hearts soar.