Honouring myself…

By

Holy Cross

It’s Easter Monday here in Australia.. in fact I think we might be the only country that actually calls it Easter Monday, but we aren’t known as the land of the long weekend for nothing.  Anyway, it was 10 years ago on Easter Monday that I saw my very first dead body.  It was my mum.

She was 69 years old when she crossed over.  Now to some of you that might sound like a good innings (as we also say in Australia).  But I think it was WAY too young to die.  I do know that at 37 years old myself, I was WAY to young be the oldest woman in my family.  And for 10 years now, my dad has been without his loving and dedicated wife, and I have been without a mum during a time in life when I probably needed her the most.

I know I probably remember my mum with rose coloured glasses, but I think that is ok to a degree.  I hope that my own children remember me that way.  I do know that she had some faults.  But for every fault, she had many more virtues.  She had a zest for life that I often struggled to keep up with and she had hopes and dreams and desires that never got fulfilled.

At 47, I sincerely hope that I have lots of time left on my own journey, but I also know that tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us, and with my health being less than fantastic, who knows.  So today I make a vow.  To my mum.  To my children (whom hopefully look up to me, as I did my own mother).  And to any and all who ever had a dream.

I’m going to write a book.

I think I have wanted to write a book for as long as I can ever remember.  Way before I wanted to be a serious photographer (although I always loved taking pictures).  Last year I set the goal to write my book, but it never even got started.  Life got in the way I guess.  But the time for procrastinating has past.  I have had a long list of things that I have wanted to achieve in this lifetime, and I am going to make damn sure that I don’t get to the end of my existence with that list incomplete.

Now I know that writing a book won’t make me rich and famous.  My hubby has written two wonderful books (The Young Rebel & Follow that Dream) and he is neither rich nor famous… although he is pretty awesome in my eyes.  But getting rich or famous isn’t the goal here.  It’s about being true to myself.  It’s about being honest with myself.  It’s about honouring myself.  A couple of years ago I set the intention to take beautiful photographs.  The kind of pictures you see in the magazines.  I had no idea what I was doing when I started.  My early pictures are horrible.  But I was dedicated and I worked hard and I taught myself all I needed to know.  And hopefully now, my images are not so horrible and several of them have actually appeared in glossy magazines.  I did what I set out to do.

My mum was a wonderful lady… full of compassion and laughter and love and acceptance.  I haven’t known too many people in my life who really knew me at my core and loved me anyway.  And I gave that back to her.  100 million times, I gave that back to her.  But the one thing I couldn’t give her was her unfulfilled dreams.  I don’t ever want my children to have to feel that way for me.  So the best gift that I can give to them, is to teach them how to honour their own dreams…and thereby honour themselves.

I haven’t been writing much on the blog lately (due to ill health) and I may not write much in the near future, as I set aside time to write my book.  But I will always keep you posted, and always keep you close to my heart.

Wish me luck.