It’s All in my Mind…


I wasn’t born with the body I had hoped for.  That’s not what it sounds like.  I actually have a very attractive body (at least I did when I was younger).  But it’s not as strong as I would like.  It’s not as healthy as I need it to be.

I have a long history of love/hate with my body.

I love it because… well it is attractive (relatively speaking).  I could sure do a lot worse.

I hate it because… well, it hurts.  It hurts a lot and it hurts often.  It’s weak.  It doesn’t cope well in a lot of situations.  It prevents me from doing just SO much that I want to do.  I often describe it as a “life half lived”… because that is exactly what it’s like.  And when I am going through a particularly bad week (like this one)… I seriously don’t know if I can… or even want to… go on.

But I guess God isn’t stupid.

When we are given a weakness in one area, quite often we are given an opposing strength to compensate for it.

I have a pretty feeble body.  One that doesn’t function as it should.  One that causes me more discomfort than a body should have to bear.

But I have a STRONG mind.

Not intelligent necessarily.  But determined.  Fiercely determined.  Bordering on the stubborn, some might say.  Maybe it’s from all the spare time I have when my body is completely incapacitated… and all I can really do is think.

There are times… way more times than I should probably admit to in public… when I really do wish it was just over.  It’s gets very hard sometimes, and the alternative does sound very appealing.

But then my mind kicks in.

And then I get even more determined than ever.

I don’t know how.  I don’t know when.  But I will beat this.  I will live the life that I was meant to live in a way that makes my heart sing.  I will make up for the days and weeks, and quite literally, years.. that  I have lost.

I can’t get them back.  But I can make them count.

I refuse to have them be in vane.  I refuse to have them be a waste.  They had to have been for a reason.  That much suffering HAS to be for a reason.  It just has to be.

So my body is weak…. but my mind is oh so strong!!

And I will overcome.