I wasn’t born with the body I had hoped for. That’s not what it sounds like. I actually have a very attractive body (at least I did when I was younger). But it’s not as strong as I would like. It’s not as healthy as I need it to be.
I have a long history of love/hate with my body.
I love it because… well it is attractive (relatively speaking). I could sure do a lot worse.
I hate it because… well, it hurts. It hurts a lot and it hurts often. It’s weak. It doesn’t cope well in a lot of situations. It prevents me from doing just SO much that I want to do. I often describe it as a “life half lived”… because that is exactly what it’s like. And when I am going through a particularly bad week (like this one)… I seriously don’t know if I can… or even want to… go on.
But I guess God isn’t stupid.
When we are given a weakness in one area, quite often we are given an opposing strength to compensate for it.
I have a pretty feeble body. One that doesn’t function as it should. One that causes me more discomfort than a body should have to bear.
But I have a STRONG mind.
Not intelligent necessarily. But determined. Fiercely determined. Bordering on the stubborn, some might say. Maybe it’s from all the spare time I have when my body is completely incapacitated… and all I can really do is think.
There are times… way more times than I should probably admit to in public… when I really do wish it was just over. It’s gets very hard sometimes, and the alternative does sound very appealing.
But then my mind kicks in.
And then I get even more determined than ever.
I don’t know how. I don’t know when. But I will beat this. I will live the life that I was meant to live in a way that makes my heart sing. I will make up for the days and weeks, and quite literally, years.. that I have lost.
I can’t get them back. But I can make them count.
I refuse to have them be in vane. I refuse to have them be a waste. They had to have been for a reason. That much suffering HAS to be for a reason. It just has to be.
So my body is weak…. but my mind is oh so strong!!
And I will overcome.