Still some work to do….

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I got back last night from a hectic weekend driving through the Sunshine Coast hinterland and down to the ocean.  This is the first such trip I have ever done with a travelling buddy, who was not my hubby.  A fellow local photographer, and my good friend, decided to have a girls weekend of driving and snapping whatever took our fancy.

We went to lots of great places and worked very hard.  I climbed over rocks, through creeks, got wet, got dirty, got bitten by bugs.  My muscles ache and I’m still so tired this morning.  But it was all very well worth it.

The weekend is not exactly what I expected though.  It was wonderful to have a travelling companion who I could talk for hours with about the technical aspects of photography, and equipment and digital darkroom techniques…. strangely enough, the rest of my family aren’t that interested (or knowledgeable) about such things.

But there was an aspect to the weekend that I wasn’t expecting.

I guess I am still struggling with letting go of that “competitive” streak in me.  It’s very hard to explain exactly what I was feeling, but I found myself being SO incredibly hard on myself, that I seemed to be self-sabotaging everything I did.

When I work on my own… I just do my own thing.  Sometimes it works out well….. sometimes it doesn’t.  Whatever… it’s all good.

But having another set of eyes there with me.  Seeing how I work.  Seeing what I do right, or seeing what I do wrong…. it caused me to feel under pressure somehow.  And believe me… it was nothing that my good friend did. She would never wish me harm.  It’s all self inflicted.

There was an aspect to this weekend away, that was not fun at all for me…. but it was definitely educational.  It showed me in no uncertain terms, that I still have a great deal of work to do on myself.  That the things I preach about…. are not quite fully integrated into my own day to day life.

And that’s OK to.  For knowledge is power.  And knowing where I still have work to do… I can now hopefully move past this negativity, and grow more as a person….. and as a friend.

We are all just “works in progress”… after all.