Complaining about Complaining…
By
I was in a shop this morning and a man at the counter was making a joke….. “just as well everyone complains, or else I would stand out”. Not a very funny joke actually, but he did have a point.
Why is it that as a society we have become almost addicted to complaining. Have a listen to daily communications, whether in person or social media, and such a large percentage of it is centred around finding fault. It’s becoming a sport.
Think about it. When engaged in conversation, when someone tells you a tale of woe… what is your first reaction? 9 times out of 10, it is to retaliate with another, even worse tail of woe. “you think that’s bad…you should hear what happened to me”, sort of thing.
And you may try to convince yourself that your motivations for such a practise is merely empathy, or showing that you understand… but I’ll bet if you are completely honest with yourself, you will find that there is actually some sort of perverse pleasure derived from coming up with a bigger and better disaster story.
And then there is people watching!
Who amongst you has spent time in a mall, commenting (almost always negatively) about their fellow shoppers. I know that I have. I’m not proud of it… but it happens. Pointing out all that we see is “wrong” with others, somehow makes us feel a little better about ourselves…. or does it.
To be honest, the brief rush of superiority that I get from putting another individual down, is pretty short lived compared with the knowledge that I am not doing myself, or anyone else any favours by participating in such behaviour. I know that this is not the person I aspire to be. And whilst it gets me a temporary cheap laugh.. I know that on a spiritual level it is a very damaging practise to indulge in.
So next time you feel like taking a cheap shot…. or one-upping someone with a bigger and better lamentation, take a moment and consider taking a higher road. I know that is going to be my intention.
78 Comments
Beautiful photograph. Thanks for sharing.
So glad you liked it
Where was this one taken, Tracie? Can’t say it ‘rings any bells for me’….
This was actually in Utah in Zion National Park. Taken in February which was pretty cold for this little Queensland girl
You betcha…. great shot…!
Spot on, Tracie!
Thanks Teresa
amazingly beautiful photo and about your words: this is SO true and of course I am only human and have done it more than I wished for…But at least I am aware of it just as you are and I will follow YOU in your intention to walk away from the complainers and will take that higher road…Sincerely hope that a lot of people will follow too…
I hope people will follow as well. We can always lead by example. Thanks Joanna
this is great one Tracie and the image is truly captivating…
So glad you like it. Thank you
Very well said friend. Complainers for complainer’s sake are a peeve of mine and am quite willing to leave the best of their conversations completely one sided. I walk away or leave the room.
The phenomena you mentioned about having bigger and better tales of woe is so, so true. It’s known here as “one-upping”. I do wonder if the one-upper needs to feel more important or wants the one-upped to feel more sorry for them…I don’t get the motivation nor the need. What I do get is the “roll my eyes” syndrome. That’s my favorite response in a one-upped conversation. Usually a three step process.. pretend something, somewhere, ANYwhere, has caught your eye, look that way, then roll. simple and it makes the one-upper’s commentary more bearable. If someone happens to see me do the ol’ eye roll….double fun for me…usually worth a smile or two. But for goodness sakes…do NOT let the one-upper see you smile…..Lord, then you’d be in for it!
(stunning photo, doesn’t even look real…what a magical touch you have TL)
Love your three step process. Going to have to try that one myself
Go for the big roll TL…it’s liberating!
I think some people has taken complaining on as a profession or an art, bless them.
Complaining is something we are very good at – but we are not very good at telling if things are great, especially to companies or people that provide products and services to us .. if not being asked. In Sweden are we really good on complaining – not very good on praising, but we are not very good on doing anything ourselves about things that isn’t right. Of course we should complain if things are not right – but sometimes I think we complain just for the sake of it. Have a great weekend. Like you crispy photo, lovely.
Glad you like the photo… it’s an oldie but a goodie.
As for giving compliment, I don’t think we do that nearly enough. Maybe we should start a daily practise of finding something that we like and then telling the person/company about it. We could start a revolution.
Sitting in the mall talking about passersby, huh.. And since I’m guilty too, let’s chalk it up to the idle mind being the devil’s playground. Oh, he’s having a right good time with us.
I have wanted to give up that practise for such a long time… unfortunately I live in a place where I get just So much fodder for pointing out people’s weirdness. They make it almost impossible to resist….. but resist I must. We are all individuals with our own quirks, and lets face it… if I am passing judgement on another, you can just bet that there are judgements being passed on me…. what goes around, comes around
When I’m in a conversation where there’s too much negativity I start saying the lovingkindness chant to myself. Not only do I feel better but it’s amazing how often the tone of the conversation changes even though I’ve said nothing out loud.
That sounds amazing… what exactly is the “lovingkindness chant”….. I have tried practising Ho’oponopono during such times, or just silently speaking to the persons spirit, rather than listening to the persons complaint.
There are lots of versions, so you can probably google and get others, but the one I like is from Jack Kornfield and it’s the shortest version I’ve ever seen — I like ‘em easy to memorize… Traditionally it’s said “May I be filled with lovingkindness, may I be well, may I be peaceful and at ease, may I be happy.” And you can say it for loved ones, enemies, the people sitting around you who are being negative. I like to say it as an affirmation “I am filled with lovingkindness, etc.” But I’d think ho o pono pono would work just as well.
OH I love it!!!! Have to give that a try… thanks so much xxoo
It can be a bit tricky though because, if you counter a negative with a positive you are sometims cast as a naive Pollyana!
Great, thought-provoking post and iiincredible photograph!
I am sure I have been cast as Pollyanna, many time. Don’t care!! Better than being a negative Nellie I say.
Onya!!!
TL…….you hit a nerve, I will try to dull that pain today………shalom en theos…….jim
Thanks Jim… much appreciated xxoo
“To be honest, the brief rush of superiority that I get from putting another individual down “……. I think this is the root of the problem when most people complain about others,
Although sometimes complaints about others are warranted. When that is the case the complaining should be done face to face with the deserving person, I think. Otherwise, why bother to complain at all?
I also think that if and when you do point it out to the “deserving person”, there are ways and then there are ways. You can always chose to do that in a loving and helpful way, rather than a complaining whinging way (or worse still…. air of superiority way). Remember, everyone is a mirror and we can spot it…. we got it.
I don’t disagree that you can be kind/tactful in criticism, Tracie. My main point was that if you’re going to complain about someone, do it to their face. I realize that when it comes to some subjects (politics for instance, a topic I complain about often), that is not always an option, although my Congressman/Senators might disagree. LOL. I know I am a pain in their rear-end.
When it comes to politics my philosophy is to avoid it like the plague… since I don’t feel that my complaining changes very much, I think my energies are far more useful directed toward positive things.
OHMYGOSH, so true Tracie, and I was just thinking about myself and doing this same thing…. “mindful, be ever mindful…….but being human, we do sometimes get “caught up” in the wave of thoughts that tumble from our mouths, and then…………….if your me, you go………..oh, no…….. I did it,, I did it again, Then I spend a day or so beating myself up and then dive back into my mediation to get a handle on my thoughts. I will control what I think and say… Most of the time….:) but sometimes, we slip and fall and then we read a post like this that reminds us…. sometimes, the best thing to say is nothing at all.
and YES, beautiful photo, “I will cross the bridge of my negative thoughts to the clean crisp side of my mind”…. love ya, Deb
“I will cross the bridge of my negative thoughts to the clean crisp side of my mind”…… way too awesome!!!!!
“The Bridge Over Troubled Waters?” While I was reading your post this revelation came to me;:
“I must be normal, if everyone else is so screwed up.” That has to be the mentality of those who are always looking for faults in others.
I think that is exactly the problem….. I always laugh when people talk about their low self esteem issues (myself included)… when in reality I have NEVER met an individual who didn’t have self esteem issues… and those who seem like they don’t are more often than not just overcompensating and in fact have even worse self esteem issues than the rest of us.
Hey Tracie, I’m here to pass along another award for your outstanding work. I’m nominating you for the Reader Appreciation Award http://davidpasillasphotography.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/limekiln-creek-long-exposure-award/
Wow… that’s a new one. Haven’t been nominated for that before… thanks so much.
Great honest candid self reflection, admire that… and great photo as usual
I’m always honest. I may not have much else going for me.. but in this blog, I am ALWAYS brutally honest… thanks so much xxoo
I join you in your intention. Your photograph is outstanding.
Welcome abroad Brenda…. together we can change the world!!!!
I think for most people complaining is like the last resort to feel better about themselves. Usually the constant complainers are those that are stuck in a life situation that they cannot change (or don’t know how to) and they resort to complaining so others will sympatize with them and they can feel a bit of control over things and people.. But all of us do it from time to time and in general I don’t think it’s always a bad thing as long as it’ doesn’t become a constant habit. (Also your photo is awesome:.)
Thanks so much the lovely comment. I do think complaining becomes a habit… but I respectfully disagree that it isn’t always a bad thing. I just spent an hour listening to a recording about judgement and how damaging it really is, and since complaining is nothing but pure judgement, I think it is a habit I would very much like to break. Thanks again xxoo
If I think about it from that point of view you may be right. But I guess it’s just human nature:)
Neale Donald Walsche said it best… “is it normal – yes… is it natural – no”…. it has become a learned behaviour, but it’s not natural human behaviour. We were meant for better things than such pettiness. Thanks so much Bernadett xxoo
The fact is if we compare ourselves to the rest of the world, we would realize that we are so lucky to have the lives we have, and I’m talking about basic necessities, nothing fancy…
Absolutely 100% right. I know people that complain about not having money, and yet these same people, have a home and clothes and food and cars and WAY more than most of the world has. It’s all in how you look at it…. thanks so much xxoo
Fantasic, unreal photo…
Thanks Ann
Love your images and great commentary!
I am so glad you enjoy it xxoo
Very well said Tracie!
Thanks Noel
a beautiful photo and words!
Thank you so much xxoo
Your photograph at the top is so amazing! How did you get that frosty look. I am so impressed!
Wow.. what a great compliment. I took this shot on the very trip where I discovered that I wanted to be a photographer. I had only just gotten my very first DSRL.. and basically still had very little idea what I was doing. It probably looks frosty, because to me, IT WAS!! I have never been anywhere so cold in my life
You inspired me to post here a quote of Pema Chodron, which I happenned to post today on my blog(!):
What are we practicing?
The painful thing is that when we buy into disapproval, we are practicing disapproval.
When we buy into harshness, we are practicing harshness.
The more we do it, the stronger these qualities become.
How sad it is that we become so expert at causing harm to ourselves and others.
The trick then is to practice gentleness and letting go. We can learn to meet whatever arises with curiosity and not make it such a big deal.
Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart
http://fundamentalhappiness.info/2012/06/who-me/
I think that the essential part is, that we are not only harming others by that kind of behaviuor, but very much are harming ourselves!
regards
Francois
So very well said…. and I couldn’t agree more…. “why are we so expert at causing harm ourselves and others”. Because we practise so regularly. It’s nothing more than a horrible habit, and like all habits it can surely be broken. Thanks so much for sharing your words here.
Amazing Post Tracie. Truly incredible.
Wow… thank you
Complain? Sure, that’s what we do. Leads to inventing new work-saving gadgets and to feelings of somebody owes us something, a two-faced coin to spend as we wish. Goes ‘way back, the Bible comments on it too, if I remember. Can surely get tiresome when someone else does it;; but just relieves feelings when I indulge myself. We’re pretty funny; it’s hard to see how anyone can take us seriously most of the time. We “play such tricks before high Heaven as make the angels weep.” But once in a while, somebody makes us look a little better.
I believe we were meant for a higher purpose than that. Thanks so much for commenting
Very beautiful photo! I can imagine the cold! I agree with your words! Majority of the time people do indulge in gossiping!
Thank you so much. xxoo
Beautiful photography, Tracie. And this post should be required reading for EVERYONE!
Oh…. that’s so sweet of you to say
And p.s. Thank you for visiting my blog and liking “Travels in Turkey: Where to Park your Camel.
You are so welcome.
Wonderful words to live by, Tracie. It happens so easily, especially in a group setting, and solo too.. You are right. It’s not appropriate at all. . I have been guilty at times.
I was on Elizabeth’s blog earlier and I loved what she had to say. It went something like this: If we start our day with the expectancy that today will be a good day, then we’ll have a positive attitude, and we open the door to attract good into our lives.
I like that. Starting the day with a positive attitude. Attracting good into our lives.
I paraphrased Elizabeth’s comment. Here’s the link to her post. I should have asked her first.
http://eof737.wordpress.com/2012/06/03/inspiration-prepare-for-a-miracle/
I think that is wonderful advise.. I know that I try very much to live from that space. Start the day with gratitude. Upon waking I give thanks for this new day, full of possibilities. It’s a great way to live xxoo
I share your view poiint. I am always working to be a better person. Gratitude is good medicine.
Gratitude is the BEST medicine… thank you so much xxoo
Should I complain about a post complaining about complaining? lol
Totally up to you my friend… but then would you be part of the solution
I love the title and you’re right Tracie, we do love to complain, we exaggerate stories to get empathy or more, sympathy (a cinderella effect as I read somewhere). this made me realize that I complain a lot…hehe. thanks for sharing this ^_^
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment… I very much appreciate it, and I am so glad you enjoyed the post